Tribute to Elastic Waistbands

Before I came to India, I heard a few recurring things about it from everyone I spoke to--expect nothing because you'll be wrong, it's unlike any place you've been before or ever will go to, you will hate it, love it and miss it when you go. So far they've been right except for one thing; I expected to pay pennies and eat well and I was dead on. If you are hungry, best fetch a snack to have while reading this one because you may otherwise begin to chew on whatever is within reach.
I am consistently amazed at what food I can get for my rupee. Every time the bill comes, I crack a little smile--I feel as though I'm robbing the place blind! I often end up leaving a hefty 20-30% tip though none is expected- that comes out to about 10 rupees (25 cents). Finally, a place where I can afford to be classy! The name's Kocian. Julia Kocian.
I will now describe for you staple Indian foods. (Why are these not our staple foods!? you could kill in cafeteria swapping with this stuff!) A typical simple meal is some type of flatbread or rice served with dahl (lentil soup) and a variety of different sauces/stews which you either dip/pick up with the bread or mix with the rice, scoop up with your fingers and shovel in with the back of your thumb. There are many variations of flatbread but the most common is dosa. Dosa is made fresh--it's crunchy in the middle where the griddle was hot and around the sides where the batter was thin. The rest is soft and spongy, tears just right and is comforting and delicious any time of day just by itself. It usually comes folded over or rolled around a heap of yummy potato stew-just the right amount of spicy and creamy. Along side is dahl (of course) and a masala sauce and a curd sauce. The masala based one is red and a bit spicy and the curd one is white and cools your mouth--a loverly ying yang thang. Rice is just white rice here but what makes it shine is everything that goes on top. If you order the "full meal" (also called thalis I believe but I've never seen it listed that way) you get a gigantic banana leaf upon which rice is mounded way too high. Then the servers come around and dish different sauces and stews and/or curries on top, you mix it up and scoop it up and enjoy. The only problem with this meal is that the servers assume you want more by default so unless you are (and really even if you are) on your game to tell them no thank you in time, you feel uncomfortably stuffed through the next meal time and possibly the next after that. I sort of avoid these due to that sensation. I don't know how the locals aren't tipping the scales big time considering how much they can put away in one sitting. I've seen men literally consume more than a pot of rice plus all the fixins. The light is always green for seconds and thirds. Oh yeah, the full meals cost around 75 cents.
So those are the basics. The menus at restaurants are always really long and I haven't been able to try everything of course, but it's funny, whatever I order (generally) tends to look a lot like what I got the last time (under a different name too) but with a twist maybe. For now, that's alright with me-dosa suits me fine. In a different category all together is chaat. Chaat is actually originally a North Indian creation but has spread everywhere as food tends to do. it's the Indian equivalent of fast food, though I hate to even make that analogy because it so far surpasses what we know as fast food in every aspect of cuisine that's it's in a different realm altogether. Sailesh introduced me to chaat and I will forever be indebted to him for that--I was hooked at first bite. We started off with pani puri. For this delightful amuse bouche you stand in front of the counter at the ready holding a little dish. The dude on the other side pops a hole with his thumb in a thin, hollow, flaky sphere, stuffs a wad of potato in, dips the whole thing quickly in tamarind juice and then sugar water and plops it onto your tray for you to gobble up in one big, juicy, crunchy, delicious bite. In under a minute or two, you've had three (that's fast food) and are ready for the next tasty treat. Although there are many kinds of chaat, the other one which stands apart form the rest is dhai papdi chaat. I think I could live off of this. Crunchy chips go in first, then mixed veggies and potato, then creamy curd (like yogurt but not sweet really) then green sauce, then red sauce, then 6 or so different spices splashed on with reckless abandon (sometimes thrown across 5 or 6 plates being made at the same time) and a crunchy topping to finish. I imagine there's a local joint in heaven that serves great dhai papdi chaat.
Tea and coffee. Are. Everywhere. On every menu and street corner, served after breakfast, after lunch, after dinner, and also between meals. They come in small cups like you'd get for a double espresso maybe, around 15 cents each. Both have milk and sugar mixed in by pouring the hot liquid back and forth artfully between two containers. The tea is spiced--like a chai latte on it's best day ever. The locals never tire of these and neither will I.
This last part contributes greatly to the theory that coming to India was part of the universe's grand cosmic plan for lil' ol' me. What comes after dosa? (besides tea) Dessert of course and there's no shortage of it here. Cake shops are all over the place, display delicious looking buttercreams of all varieties and sell by the slice and those of you who know me ( I presume that's everyone) know I love cake more than most eatables. Here come the shocker. Now I'm not saying that I haven't sampled piece, but ...wait for it...I pass these up with burning desire to thwart, sometimes even turning my nose up at them! In favor of my waistline? you ask. No (did you see the title of this entry?) In favor of Indian sweets. As many cake shops as there are, sweet shops outnumber them two to one. I don't know how they all stay in business but I am doing my best to help. Like the flatbread, the sweets here are a million and one variations of the same basic creation. You take ghee (like butter but better) and add sugar and then mix and then add a little more ghee and then add a little more sugar for balance and then you have it. Well, pretty much. The sweets here are the sugariest, creamiest and most delectable morsels EVER and you can get 'em for 20 cents a pop. danger. The first one I tried and still my favorite was ghee mysore pauk. When I asked the boy running the counter what he would reccommend, he pointed to this one without a moment's hesitation. Looks like cream colored fudge, melts all buttery in your (my) mouth, coats your (my) tongue with sweetness, screams just one more please. Although that one takes the cake, so to speak, every other one I've tried has been scrumptious in its own right--especially jaangiri: alarmingly orange, winds around itself like funnel cake, oozes with sugary syrup on biting through the batter on the outside, angoor jamoom (sp?): log shaped or ball, spongy, syrupy, messy deliciousness, ghee badusha: flaky layers like baklava, buttery, sweet (duh), sticky, yum
I now understand why they wear loose fitting clothes here. Mystery solved.
P.S. I am now in Kerala, famous for fresh seafood-- I will shortly proceed to test whether this is well deserved...